lightning, thunder and rain.

July 13th, 2012

timestamp: july 13, 12     23:28

There are some things in this world that are truly amazing. One of these things are storms. Lightning and thunder. When we are young many are scared of the thunder. They have a fear of the power which they cannot fathom. When some people grow they lose that fear, or push it aside. I can’t help but think of the words “faith like a child” even in reference to storms.

I love storms. I know their power, and their beauty. I have a respect and fear of them. But not in the same way a child does. There is something about a way a child thinks I miss from myself. I wonder if losing it is just growing up, or if it is how our society teaches us to grow up. I feel some of my best learning experiences are when being around children.

Why do we lose these things we had inherently as a human child? We are taught out if them instead of taught about them. Healthy fears (respect), imagination, the ability to ask questions, trust… so much is lost in the way we are raised in today’s world. It is quite sad; we lose these things and then end up trying to relearn them because we realize later that we desperately need them.

It is curious.

Back to lightning and thunder. This storm that has been off and on all day has been the one highlight of my day. I didn’t get any sleep because of a reoccurring nightmare I have had for some time. I will post about the nightmare in the future, because that is a post by its self. I really miss storms and watching them, being in the middle of them and seeing the power.

I have switched my train of thought so much this evening I feel I need to wrap up and crash, seeing I didn’t really sleep last night.

Now, at 23:56 I post and log out. Thanks-

a new look at old things

March 9th, 2011

timestamp: march 09, 11     21:00

Today I decided to give up something for Lent. As I decided this, I realized I didn’t actually know what Lent was. When I realized this it started to really bother me, because such a large event, or practice by the Church I would think I would at least know what it was and meant.

Upon deciding to give up something for Lent, I decided of all things: God was calling me to give up playing video games. I am not sure if it is just for Lent, or for a longer period- but either way I know it won’t hurt me. Along side doing this, when I realized I had no idea what Lent was, God was also pushing me to become closer to him even in this small way of finding out what Lent meant.

After a small amount of research I found out that Lent was about sacrificing to Jesus. It extends from Ash Wednesday to Easter, and the point (in short, nowadays) is to give up something that consumes your resources (time, money, etc) to better your relationship with God.

It is quite an amazing revelation writing this, because at this time, 21:11 on Ash Wednesday, I am doing something: research into what Lent is, and I am doing this instead of playing video games. And in doing this instead of playing video games is the first real step I have taken in many  years to better my relationship with God. You know what? It feels GREAT! Right now, my day and week has had its ups and downs, but I feel the happiest I have been all week. It is amazing. I love it!

This small something, I now see, was the first step. I know, it seems like it will be easy right now and it will get harder- But just because something is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t right. God wants this for me, I don’t know why. I truly don’t care why anymore, because I know deep down that it is best.

Well, my first post in a long while is short and abrupt. It is also- good.

Now, at 21:18 I post and log out. Thanks-

something more, something more..

June 4th, 2010

timestamp: june 04, 10     11:40

Mad World. I turned in my two weeks at my job on Wednesday. I now just have to turn in a written ‘letter of resignation’ of sorts, with my signature. I decided that two (2) jobs, and no will to push forward isn’t a good thing for me right now- I have family and friends telling me to reach for dreams, and go the distance so to speak. I just haven’t been feeling it; I have these far goals and dreams but they just look too far off to even consider. I look deeper into them and the only thing I stumble upon is the idea that I am unable to do it.

That idea is a lie. I can, and I will. I have support from family and friends, and I have a will to do something about my situation. Frequently I look down upon my self and boost others up as much as possible- I like helping people, making them smile.

Anyways… Soon, very soon I will be posting a link to my project. At this point in time it will be programming applications for Android platform phones. It is a large market, many companies and programmers out there. I am going to attempt to at least stick my foot in the door- get my stuff out there. Make HAN known… ;)

For those who don’t know that reference, just dismiss it. <3

I will be posting the site after it is set in stone, and after I get an idea of release date for my first application. This is also my final project for my AA, which I have been delaying for a year now. I decided I don’t want to just work to survive as most people are at this point in time. I want to work because I want to- and be happy. To worry about surviving is something that isn’t a happy mindset.

I don’t care if I am wealthy, or just getting by; it is not about how much you have, but it is about how you use it. If you use it in a good and selfless manner, things always seem to work out alright.

My mind has been in an avalanche recently; concerning life, work, school, relationships, and future plans. I feel like I could just jump down that endless pit… and die of starvation. But alas, I like to eat- so that won’t happen.

Anywho, my time is up for this quick random antic dote.

Now, at 12:11, I post and log out. Thanks-

stuck mindsets

May 26th, 2010

timestamp: may 26, 10     02:00

I sit here, with my restless mind needing rest. I haven’t written anything in over a year, even though I said to myself I would use my brainshelf to my benifit. Bad me; I haven’t.

At the end of September of 09, I went to a doctor because I was extremely tired all the time, I was in some pain, and I was having some pre-pneumonia synptoms. After checking me over and assessing the issue, my doctor sat down. He took off his glasses and looked me in the eye and flat out told me I had five (5) years to live. He then told me that I could change that if I stopped my current lifestyle of overtime school+work, and actually took care of my physical and mental state. I started doing just that.. mostly.

I had only one credit to finish for my AA, and was pretty excited about that when a job oppertunity arose out of nowhere. I took the job and have been there for the past 5 months. I feel like crap. And some (lots) of the symptoms have returned. I have been blaming some of my physical pain on a car accident I was involved in on October 30th.. but I know that is not all of the problem. I have recently decided that working 2 jobs right now isn’t the best thing for me by any means, so I am going to fix it.

I have these dreams you see, and recently they have been placed on the backburner.. that isn’t on, or it could even be defaulty- I am not quite sure. But some recent events and people have brought it to my attention that I am holding myself back, and I need to push foward. So that is exactly what I am going to do.

I have been invited to go to Alaska on a missions trip at the end of July and beginning of August. I am really excited about this and plan to quit my current 2nd job, and stick to the first job until I get my GPA to where it should be, and finish my AA so I can transfer to a university and finish school.

To be honest, I need to get sleep. I have a long day tomorrow, and I told others and myself I would take better care of myself.

So it begins…

Now, at 02:23, I post and log out. Thanks-

P.S. My phone makes me giggle. Pity it doesn’t have a decent spell check…

communication, and lack there of

May 9th, 2009

timestamp: may 9, 09     22:30

I was talking to a friend on MSN Messenger today. And we were talking about a very serious topic- I got upset, set my status to appear offline, and blocked my contact.. All was a miss-communication on both ends, due to lack of necessities in communication.

The thing I really do not like about instant messenger programs, text messages, and long distance conversation is the fact that you are not there in person. Not being involved in conversation in person, or even over the phone (where you can hear the person) detracts from the relevance of the communication.

When you talk on an IM program, you do not have the availability to feel the people’s presence, or see them, or hear them. This makes knowing what the other partner is going through easier during the conversation.

I was pushed off the edge by my friend (and I let it happen). There is so much missed in communication during an MSN conversation, which it isn’t worth it to talk on msn without either having a webcam, or a microphone (or both).

I am now going to not have any deep conversations with people online unless I can see or hear them, or at least hear them.

I am done with this quick little post, just came to mind, and remembered that I haven’t blogged in a while. This was definitely worth posting. I am sorry that I haven’t posted anything in over a month; I have gotten myself busy and completely left my brainshelf out of my life (not a good decision).

Well, I am back, and I plan to continue posting. I am done for the night here.

Now, at 22:41 I post and log out. Thanks-

sounds, notes, and chords

April 5th, 2009

timestamp: april 5, 09     20:30

Music: it is an amazing thing. It touches the hearts of many, in sometimes very unusual ways. Music gives us ideas, urges to do something, say something, or conduct behavior in different ways then you would of in the first place. I have had a background in music. It has not been a large one; but a background none the less.

I love music. There is really no other way to put it. I listen to a wide variety of music, and there are many types of new music and styles coming out every day. There will never be an end of the creativity that can come out of music and musical talent.

I took piano lessons for around 6 years, growing in skill and somewhat of an understanding for musical theory; though I need to spend time and learn much more theory. I started taking guitar lessons during my fifth or sixth year of piano, then dropped piano off (I felt I had completed the ladder of achievements from that amazing teacher). I only took guitar for along the lines of two years, but I spent much more time playing guitar after I quit lessons. I mainly stopped lessons because of the teaching style, and the teacher didn’t really teach me much, aside from some very basic chords, which weren’t enough to explore what I wanted to in guitar. I got books and taught myself some instead.

I need to go back and pick up music some sort of music theory class, as well as advanced piano / guitar. I’d also love to take up bass, and even drums- I love it all.

Alongside the classic piano/guitar thing, I have also been interested in techno and trance development, and have touched in programs like Band in a Box and FruityLoops. Band in a Box is more of a program for songs, ripping them apart, and making whole songs with chords, and synthesizing instruments (from what I have seen). FruityLoops is more focused on loops, and beats; something I really enjoy, listing to alot of techno/trance, and testing the water into creating beats myself.

All of this said, I plan to take my love of music and develop it into something more then just a sideline activity.

I actually have started on a song a while ago (or rap, or a mixture of the two, whatever you want to call it). There are, so far, 4 sung verses, and 5 rapped verses, and many more ideas scribbled down. I am not sure how I’m going to have the final arrangement be, I am open to constructive ideas and comments. If you haven’t heard the rapped part, ask me, I would gladly rap those five quick verses for you; it’s fun.

As for now, there is so much to say but I need to stop my small tangent off of schoolwork, as I have a lot to do, and not enough time to do it.

As for you, the reader, if you are interested in music: act on it! And do not let it go by the wayside, it is much to amazing to just let sit there and let wither away to nothingness. There is much potential in music, and only so much time to pursue it. Have fun rocking, rapping, and writing.

Now, at 21: 23 I post and log out. Thanks-

the birth of clutchknot, part 1

April 2nd, 2009

timestamp: april 2, 09     22:31

I have made the decision to dive deeper into my potential skills of a developer. I have started concept on a theme for this blog. I am breaking out my books, reading wordpress tutorials, and breaking out pen, paper, and pencil to come up with a fitting design for what will hopefully stick around for a while.

The birth of clutchknot is paralleled with things going on in my life right now. I am making decisions that might completely change what I have wanted to do sense late grade school, early junior high, and high school. I am excited, as well as scared and only God knows where this is going, and I trust him. My brainshelf will act as a pool of concept, thoughts, letters, rants, or anything I deem fits it (obviously, XD).

Just a quick post before I hopefully get rest tonight.

Now, at 22:40 I post and log out. Thanks-

a start to things

April 2nd, 2009

timestamp: april 2, 09     04:41

On September 14, 2008 I registered the domain name This was going to be a keeper, I thought, as I ran the idea through my head of a site I was going to design more based around groups, like facebook and myspace. This idea slowly, but surely, went by the wayside as my programming skills at this point in time are not up to par to my ideas.

Many things have run through my head about this site. I could use it as a video game team/guild website, use it as a promotion for my website design work, use it as a project for my production company… I also had the idea of making this site a blog site. Last night I decided that the purpose of this website, for the time being and only God knows how long, would be a blog. Now, the first post to this blog is in progress, and it is almost six in the bloody morning!

I haven’t been getting much good sleep lately, and that is why the first post is at this early hour of the morning. I will be getting up in about 40 min to get ready for class, which starts at 07:30. This is going to be an interesting quarter. I am going to be organizing my life in many ways- and this, clutchknot: windchimes’ brainshelf, will be a baseline for published thoughts. I will propose ideas, share my thoughts, and ask questions- as it is a brainshelf.

Now, at 04:54 I post and log out. Thanks-

Q1, 2/4/09, 04:55

Which is proper English for a name that ends in “s” and is possessive?
I am trying to figure out the proper name for this blog:

windchimes’ brainshelf, or windchimes’s brainshelf

I am almost positive it is windchimes’ brainshelf, but I would like to be sure. Thanks.